Sometimes A Tower Is Just A Tower

Once upon a time there was this guy. His name was Nigritude. Nigritude was out riding around on his horse, looking for things to do. Off in the distance he saw a large tower. "That's odd," he thought. "Why is there a tower in the middle of nowhere? It's not like it's a lighthouse or something. It's way inland. I wonder what it could be for." He rode over to the tower. It might have a plaque to tell about it. Then he could find out what the tower in the middle of nowhere is for.

It turned out the tower was for imprisoning beautiful maidens. The beautiful maiden imprisoned here was named Michelle.

"Hey! Hey you!" Michelle called when she saw Nigritude "Get over her and get me out of here! Will ya?"

"Why?" asked Nigritude. He was pretty pragmatic sometimes.

"Why? Why do you think? I'm a princess and you're a prince. You rescue me. That's the way it's done."

"Oh, I'm no prince. I'm just a guy out looking for things to do. Why are you up in the tower? Did you do something bad?"

"No! Some Wicked Witch locked me up in this tower and now I'm waiting to be saved."

"You know, witches usually aren't wicked. That's just a stereotype."

"This one was wicked. She told me "I'm a Wicked Witch and I'm going to imprison you in a tower. Hahahahaha!" That's what she said. Really."

"Weird. Most witches aren't like that. Usually they are really nice. They'll bake you cookies. Most witches are nice."

"Shut up and rescue me already!"

"What's in it for me?"

"I'll show you my boobies."

"Just show them to me?"

"OK, you can touch them. They are really nice boobies."

"Just touch them? That's a lot of work just to touch boobies. There's a serving wench at the tavern I go to, she'll let me touch her boobies, as long as I'm discreet and leave her a nice tip. Rescuing you seems awfully hard just to touch boobies."

"OK, whatever you want. Just rescue me already!"

"OK, OK, calm down. I'll rescue you. Is there a door around here?"

"If there was a door, don't you think I'd have used it by now?"

"Maybe if you let down your hair, I notice you have a lot of hair, I could climb it like a rope and see if there's anything I could do up there."

"Like what? What could you do that I couldn't?"

"I don't know. Smash down you door, then we could explore the tower. Maybe there's a tunnel or something. If not there's always your boobies. No need to waste a trip."

"Shut up and go away."

"What about your boobies?"

"What about them?"

"Do I at least get a peek? C'mon show me your boobies."

"No. You did nothing for me. You don't get to see my boobies."

"Man, that sucks." said Nigritude, and he rode away.

Really, the whole "Nigritude Episode" wasn't a complete waste. It gave Michelle an idea. She could make a rope out of her hair and tie it to her bed. Toss the hair rope down and shimmy to freedom. And no one gets to see her boobies. A perfect plan. That was just what she did. She then hiked out of the forest, this whole story took place is a clearing in a magic forest, to the Greyhound Bus station. She took a bus to Nashville, where she changed her name to "Crystal Gayle" and had a fabulous singing career.