first draft of my life

first draft of my life

what kind of paradise am I looking for?
even when it all adds up, when I have it all, it’s not enough.
even when it’s enough for me, when my life through my eyes is perfect,
I’ll still be your favorite mistake.
I’ll never be your perfect little girl,
never be what you wished me for.
now I’m sorry I am.

I’m always your project and never your love.
your creation, you put me here, you’ll take me away.
you’ll push me away if it’s all you can do for yourself.

so, I’ll go.
my only protection, my only security.
you’ll always be the only thing that was there to fall back on
but the tears in my eyes will never tell you the story
of the little girl you’ll always love, and always hate.

so, you’ll cry.
my only protection, my only security.
hate me for who I am
love me for who I’ll never be.

I don’t see how it’s so sad to say goodbye
to something that holds you down.
and I’ll never see how it’s so detrimental to bid farewell
to something to need to lose
to ever appreciate.

you’ll kick me when I’m in the trenches.
you’ll never cease in extracting my faults.
I’ll never be sorry for what I have to do.
I’ll never feel sorry for what you to do you.

so, goodbye, mommy.
I’ll always be your baby girl.
but I’ll always be mine first.
[back.to.lit]